Stockholm Syndrome
by Silver Miko
Summary: A delve into Aoshi's psyche as he waits for Kenshin in Houji's study ::songfic::


Author's Notes: Well Sofa, here it is!!! Aoshi to BLink...anywho, yeah, this is a songfic to 'Stockholm Syndrome' by Blink 182.  
  
Yep...during Kyoto while Aoshi's waiting for Kenshin in Houji's study.  
  
Right....  
  
shinobi_love: In works, will keep you guys posted. What is it? You'll see, ne Shin?  
  
*********************************  
  
STOCKHOLM SYNDROME  
  
by Silver Miko  
  
The glint of steel flickered its reflection into a pair of icy blue eyes within the dim study of the maze-like temple. Seated on the plush couch holding false comfort, Shinomori Aoshi, former Oniwabanshuu Okashira, waited. He had paved a trail of blood and betrayal to get this far, sacrificing everything he was to acheive his one goal: to be the strongest and give pride to the Oniwabanshuu name...to flower the graves of his four comrades who died protecting him.  
  
Hyttoko. Shikijou. Besshimi. And Hannya, his closest comrade.  
  
Strong warriors who followed him, a man who gave their lives meaning in the stagnant era of Meiji. He had trained them, and yet his weakness led to their downfalls. The smell of gunpowder, the sound of it, the blood....  
  
Permeated in his memories until it shattered at his sanity, robbing him of reason and moral. He had lost it, screaming out everything in that mansion, and dragging their bodies with wounded legs to bury them in temporary graves. It was upon those graves he vowed to defeat Hitokiri Battousai and claim the title of the strongest.  
  
This is the first (thing I remember)  
  
now it's the last (thing left on my mind)  
  
afraid of the dark(do you hear me whisper)  
  
an empty heart (replaces with paranoia)  
  
where do we go (life's temporary)  
  
after we're gone (like New Year's Resolution)  
  
why is this hard (do you recognize me)  
  
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)  
  
The look on her face....when she slammed the door open and saw Okina fall. The shock, betrayal....sorrow. She didn't cry, though. She turned and asked him why, her voice breaking, yet she didn't cry. He told her to get lost, and she still never cried. That was Misao...such a strong girl. She would be fine, she was better without him in his life. He didn't want to see the pain in her eyes, to ruin her life with the chaos he had become. She was too important to him. The child always by his side, his precious Misao. The part of him that still felt something, that still held a trace of the man he had been had wanted to hold her, comfort her, assure her it would be all right. He could NEVER inflict physical pain on her, not her. He had threatened Okina, insinuated he would harm Shiro, Kuro, Omasu, and Okon. But not Misao. Never Misao. He had left her years ago, wishing a better life for her than he could offer. He knew she'd be sad, but hoped someday she'd understand. This was no different. Her life would be better without him in it. That was why he had let go of her, destroying any faith in him she had with his kodachi. She deserved happiness...it was all he ever wanted for her.   
  
I'm so lost  
  
I'm barely here  
  
I wish I could explain myself  
  
but words escape me  
  
Chaos filled his scarred soul, robbing him piece by piece of his consciousness, darkening him as more blood stained his kodachi. Theives, mercenaries, those who looked at him the wrong way...all practice to destroy the Battousai. He was becoming a demon...and that was why he was determined to fight to the death. His last link to anyone...to anything he cared about...was gone. Faintly the sound of a girl's laughter echoed through his mind and faded. His soul was lost, frayed. His heart empty. Nothing mattered to him, nothing but destroying Battousai. If he died, he would drag Battousai to hell with him. It was the price he was willing to pay. His actions, his betrayals.....he hoped she wouldn't cry for him, and yet the fraction of himself hoped she would. She could survive without him as she had the past eight years. She did not need him. He needed to believe that.  
  
It's too late  
  
to save me  
  
you're too late  
  
you're too late  
  
Everyone hated him now, it was assured. They would have looked on him as a monster. When he died he would repent in hell, burn with the flames of damnation for all his chaos stemmed by the desire for revenge. He was set on dying....and yet still. A lingering stirring of the past. The scent of lillies, the flash of a smile, large sea blue eyes looking at him with such open emotion. The joyful voice exclaiming 'I love you, Aoshi-sama!' over and over.....she had grown into such a beautiful young woman, as he knew she would. He fleetingly wished he had been there, to watch her blossom into the woman she was becoming. Perhaps had things been different he'd have been there, and perhaps things between them would have developed into something more....he would of liked that.  
  
You're caught in disappointment  
  
and I'm drowning in the next room  
  
the last contagious victim of this plague between us  
  
I'm sick with apprehension  
  
I'm crippled with exhaustion  
  
and I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me  
  
Footsteps, coming closer. Battousai....he was arriving. Their promised time was now. He would show Battousai the strength of his kodachi, the fierceness of an Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu. He sheathed his kodachi, and cast his gaze downward, feeling the dullness creep into his eyes. Flat, dead eyes.   
  
'Come Battousai...the time has come...I will fight you to the death...'  
  
He was going to miss her, and a small regret of not saying goodbye to her made him grimace more. He wanted to hug her, kiss her forehead, and feel her warmth one last time before plunging into darkness. She was always reaching out to him, never really realizing just how much of a hold she had on him. She would grow up without him, live her life, marry, have a family. It was why he cut himself out of her life, but he still couldn't help but imagine a life where the one she'd marry and create a family with...was him. It was only a dream.  
  
He had been ruthless, cruel, merciless.., to detatch himself from everything. The one plain truth, something he always seemed to know and realized now, moments before he would seal his fate in one last glorious duel.  
  
He loved Misao, more than anything, and that was why he had let her go.  
  
Now he would never hurt her again.  
  
Maybe he could catch a glimpse of mercy and in the next life meet her again...and perhaps have the life he had dreamt of with her.  
  
His precious Misao.  
  
This is the first (thing I remember)  
  
now it's the last (thing left on my mind)  
  
afraid of the dark(do you hear me whisper)  
  
an empty heart (replaces with paranoia)  
  
where do we go (life's temporary)  
  
after we're gone (like New Year's Resolution)  
  
why is this hard (do you recognize me)  
  
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)  
  
******************  
  
Wow....diving into Aoshi's psyche...very draining. But I'm overall satisfied with this. I was listening to this song in my car like so many times over since Blink is my fave band and thought it was perfect for Aoshi. I wish someone would do a video to that. I would..but have no technical skill. ^^  
  
So yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... hmm...I got to work on chap 2 of Sketchy soon. Eh, got final projects starting and I got catch me ass up and raise my GPA....or suffer the wrath of Momzilla. ::shudders::  
  
OH! Listen guys, time to get a little serious here....we authors loves reviews and stuff, we love having people enjoy our work..but I've to say something on behalf of me and Shin.  
  
We're very glad people enjoy our stories, but many people also hastle us repeatedly to update soon, sometimes in not very nice words, and while there's those who say update soon and mean it positively like in 'great chap! update soon' or what not, it's the complainative update soons that irk us.  
  
Shin and I do enjoy writing stories a lot, but we're also very busy people as well. She works full time and has other issues that keep her busy and she really has no time during the weekdays to type, and she does have a social life as well. A lot of people hasstle her to update, despite that she does do her best. She currently has 11 fics yet to be finished and some people have been bothering her about the older ones yet to finish. Now I can understand the want for an update, but writing does not pay bills, and sometimes there's no spark to write, no will. It happens. I think she's been rather good on updating in the past couple moths and has been putting out some very good stories as of late, so she shouldn't be hasstled so much.  
  
  
  
As for me, I think I update rather quickly and people don't seem to understand that I am a full-time college student going for a degree in Graphic Design. This means I'm in school from somewhere between 3-8 hours a day and I also work part-time on the days I can, namely weekends, tuesday, and friday and it is VERY tiring. I have projects due all the time and grades I need to raise to pass my classes. While I do try to find time to write, I also have a social life and only see my friends maybe two or three times a week. I spend more time away from my house than actually home.   
  
And also, sometimes you just hit a wall where you can't think of a scene and decide to wait for something good than half-assing.   
  
It isn't easy being a fanfic writer, and while I'm hasstled less than Shin is, I do understand her reasons for being pissed and it does bother me when people complain I take too long to update or things like that. I update things every 1-2 weeks which is pretty damn quick in my opinion.  
  
With that said, while we do love that our fics are so popular, we ask reviewers please understand why it may take time for us to update.  
  
Oh, one more thing. Not to throw another hissy-fit..but soooome people have said that my lemon scenes are short. Umm, I'm pretty sure I've made them about as long as some of the other's I've read. I mean now there's stories like 'Aoshi and Misao Blanket Scenario' by Miss Led which is AWESOMELY lemon, but I don't think my scenes are so short. Maybe the first one, but I mean, technically I'm still a little new at writing lemon scenes. I mean perhaps mine aren't the longest scenes ::snickers::, but I don't think they're like 'wham! Bam! thank you, ma'am!'  
  
Okay, I'll leave it at that before people start thinking I'm a bitch...well I am a bitch sometimes...but anywho, yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh..  
  
Byeeeeeeeee! 


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